You could have been forgiven for thinking that the new series of Geordie Shore started nearly three weeks ago, and not the other night. The now infamous Carnagevideo leak incident had a definite ‘Holly and Gaz’ vibe. In fact, I thought it was weird that the public reaction was so extreme and disapproving, as Geordie Shore is MTV’s highest rated show and we’ve been happily paying to watch the UK’s most infamous twentysomethings fucking and fighting in public for the last three years.
The GS gang have become an authority on, erm, partying, and Jay was even invited to sit on the This Morning sofa and explain the mamading phenomenon to a prurient Holly and Phil. ‘If it was a male… he’d be classed as a legend,’ he revealed, in an unlikely but satisfying triumph for feminism. It might be the first time the Newcastle A-listers have been able to claim the moral high ground. It’s only been a couple of years since Gaz unleashed the #bedofshame hashtag upon the world and encouraged guys to take non-consensual photographs of their sleeping partners and share them on the internet.
The season premiere suggested that the gang are growing up. Holly has decided she is now ‘sassy’ – ‘a combination of a slut and classy’, and seems to have a more mindful attitude towards her erotic adventures. ‘I don’t do that sort of thing now, I’m sassy,’ she demurred, in reference to when she was encouraged to do something obscene with an ice cube at a nightclub. Marnie was just as ambitious, but fell a little short. She took a brief vow of celibacy – approximately 90 seconds – only to become hypnotised by Gaz’s one-eyed grundy serpent. ‘It’s so big, it’s like the Loch Ness Monster. It could even be bigger!’ she said breathlessly.
YOU MIGHT ALSO WANT TO READ: IT'S A TOUGH TIME FOR FEMINIST FANS OF MADE IN CHELSEA
Letting the side down was the perennially laddish Scotty T, who was struggling to pick a chick. ‘I’ve evaluated all the women in here…’ he slurred, which sounded as baffling as it did offensive. Firstly, Scotty has, in his entire time on the show, demonstrated no particular requirements when it comes to choosing sexual partners. And secondly, who is Scotty to behave like some nightclub kingpin playing lady top trumps?
However, though the guys may use phrases that would cause a lady’s juices to curdle, they’re all talk. And I love that the ladies are as happy and horny as their male counterparts. Geordie Shore might be the one show on TV that proves you can have sex, enjoy it, and stay relatively cheerful and sane. You don’t see the same double standards that you do on MIC and TOWIE. There’s no hand wringing and the cast aren’t determined to create their own micro moral panic. It might be the only show that doesn’t make me worry about youth today.
That said, there was one moment in that first episode of the new series that caused me grave concern. Holly, hoping to attract Charlotte back to the house with ‘positive energy’ decided they needed a pet. So she headed to the pet shop to purchase a tortoise. ‘Can you take its shell off?’ she asked the worryingly sanguine owner. Guys, you can do whatever you want to each other within the confines of your shag pad, as long as everyone is up for it, but please don’t bring a pet into it. The Chelsea and Essex casts might be much worse when it comes to conducting their love lives, but at least they’re responsible animal owners.
Love this? You might also be interested in...
Robert Pattinson Thinks 'Geordie Shore Is One Of The Greatest TV Shows'
The Secret Life Of Students Shows The Nation's Youth Couldn't Be Further From A Moral Crisis
Follow Daisy on Twitter @NotRollerGirl
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.