Let’s be honest there’s two types of girls out there. The one who wakes up on Christmas day at midday (having missed the family bacon sarnies) with your Christmas eve makeup smudged on the pillow and a killer hangover from the night before. The other will spring out of bed at 7am, make a festive cinnamon latte for the fam, and finish wrapping her perfectly picked out presents before instagraming them under the tree. You cannot be both. So which girl are you?
Your Xmas Day’s Dress Code Consists Of
Your Christmas Day outfit harks back to when you were little and your mum would pick out a dress, matching patent shoes with tights and a bow for your hair. You might have ditched the bow, but Xmas party dress with a tonne of sequins is still very much central, worn over wooly tights and with plenty of jangly jewellery.
VS.
Staying in the house all day and only seeing the family = comfy lounging clothes aka sweatpants and hoodies. The bigger, the baggier, the more room for Chocolate Orange right? RIGHT? Let's be honest you're Great Aunt probably wouldn't appreciate your new Celine-esque suit anyhow, so no point trying to impress.
Food, Glorious Food
Breakfast is no biggie because you're still pretty full from your Christmas Eve ritual dinner - lobster thermidor, natch. Just a spot of scrambled eggs, salmon and a cheeky flute of champagne to get the bubbles flowing early. When it comes to lunch (don't forget to put out your handcrafted centrepiece with tasteful baubles in a hurricane case) then it's all about a bit of goose and crackers from Liberty. There will be no plastic yo-yos on your watch.
VS.
Your hangover is still hitting hard. It feels like santa parked his sleigh on your head rather than on the roof. You need a Berocca, two asprin, a full fat coke, and a bacon sarnie from your mum. Then you'll lye on the sofa eating the purple Quality Streets and ignoring ALL your family until turkey time. Lunch is served at 4pm with dad trying out his new electric carving knife and nan complaining about the over cooked sprouts. For you, it's all about pigs in blankets, en masse.
Your Ultimate Christmas Icon Is
Vera-Ellen in White Christmas. You just can't beat that big red ball gown with fluffy white trimmings and a muff.
VS.
Jim Royale. Oh to have a reclining arm chair like his, then you'd of really made it.
Your Presents Are All About
Your mum has been kind enough to spend the last 11 months scouring vintage and charity shops to amass a whole haul of costume jewellery, each lovingly wrapped and popped into your home made stocking that has a 'made with love by mother' label. Other gifts this year will be Vogue's 'The Gown' coffee table book, and a fish poacher, to encourage your domestic goddess aspirations. Be patient though - you have to wait all day to open your presents - evening gift exchange is far less uncouth than rushing for the swag first thing in the morning.
VS.
You missed present time at 7am when your younger siblings ripped open their new Xbox games, but not to worry you've asked all your family just to transfer some dosh in to your bank account. You plan to spend it on the ASOS sales, but let's be honest it'll all go on a booze tab on New Year's Eve.
Post Lunch We’ll Find You
Post lunch is the the hour for your traditional Articulate family battle, which takes place in 'the good lounge', while your golden retriever obediently collects up all your wrapping paper. Huzzah for board games and well behaved gun dogs called Delilah.
VS.
Back on the sofa, obviously. Rewatching T_he Gavin and Stacey Christmas Special_ with the family, and browsing Facebook to see how many dickhead mates are posting present pictures.
Your Tipple of Fancy Is
You took a few minutes pre the Queen's speech to whizz up some gin fizz cocktails with a dash of rosewater, served in a tall chilled glass with some edible flowers and berries on a skewer. They should slip down nicely before bed.
VS.
Red wine. Followed by more red wine. And then, yep, another few glasses of red wine. After dinner you'll move on to the Baileys.
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Follow Charlie on Twitter @Charliebyrne406
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.