All of us before the festive season: I can’t wait to elegantly sip on prosecco, while floating round the room, dazzling everyone with my wit and charm.
85% of us at some point during the festive season: oh god, did I really slur and flash my pants in front of my boss? Why did I keep drinking? Was I sick….
I’m going to hazard a guess that you’re relating strongly with the later right now, or you wouldn’t feel the need to read (albeit very insightful) guides to sensible drinking.
So first things first, how do you actually define drinking in moderation? Is it having your recommended daily allowance? Is it saying no to the second bottle of Chardonnay? Is it waking up the next day and remembering how you got home? We all have different measures, but for psychotherapist Sam Carbonit’s more holistic than that. ‘For me drinking in moderation means drinking alcohol in a way that won’t interfere with your responsibilities at work, home or with significant relationships’ she says, then taps into something many of us can relate to: ‘some individuals pay attention to specific limits and may cap their intake to a number of days in the week but it doesn’t mean the recommended amount is rolled over like a lottery.’
Rolled over like a lottery, nutribullet all week and make up for it on the weekend…sounds familiar. Which is one of the reasons the festive season is such a minefield. There’s that sense of ‘fuck it, I’ve had a long/tough/amazing/big year and deserve to go a bit wild…’
For Sarah, a 27-year old who works in the film industry, she went so over board at her work Christmas party last year that she decided afterwards she could get into London’s members club Soho House - by pretending to be her 58-year old boss… ‘She’s been a member for a really long time, but I was so adamant that it was me that they had to call the manager...who just happens to be best friends with my boss. Unfortunately for me, it turns out the manager was best friends with my boss. I told her I was actually her assistant and she really kindly let me in. And she asked if I knew where I was going and I got really sassy and said ‘oh, of course, I come here all the time.’ I promptly marched off, and straight into the disused kitchen where she later found me staring at the fridge, unable to get out, very confused and thinking that it was the door….’
Most of us can probably recall moments of similar stomach churning recklessness, but what about those fortunate people who seem to never get it wrong when they drink; is it just luck, or do they do something different when they go out? ‘Pace and space is a behaviour controlled individuals consider which involves ordering food and drinking fancy non-alcoholic cocktails to every standard drink’ says Sam.
‘People who are controlled find it easier to leave when they have had enough to drink it’s like an unconditional pardon they give themselves.’
Eliza, 28, has worked in PR in the alcohol industry for five years, and thinks she’s mastered the art of drinking in moderation (when you’re required to attend work events, parties and be surrounded by booze 24/7 it’s suddenly rather important to learn to say no….) ‘I’d say it’s water that saves me, because often I forget to eat’ she says. ‘If I’m going out after work I try and eat at about five. I don’t get to the spin stage. I haven’t gone out and got shitfaced for ages. When do I know when I’m drunk? I don’t know, I just get to a point where I don’t want to drink anymore.’
How infuriatingly sensible. Sam explains the psychology behind this kind of self-control: ‘some people have a better built in “no” which goes back to their boundaries’ she says. ‘By having a polite, convincing “no thanks” when asked shows strength of character. It’s worth asking yourself - are you able to enjoy your evening without getting too drunk? Individuals who consume less are likely to understand the health, financial and emotional benefits and they may prefer to minimise the slew of social ramifications often associated with excessive drinking.’
It’s all very well going out with good intentions, but if you’re at Christmas parties with your drink being topped up (for FREE) every two minutes, it’s nigh impossible to keep tabs on how much you’ve imbibed. Which is why Eliza has developed a trick or two to make sure she’s always in control: ‘I just have one drink, and drink it really slowly. And if I’m at an event I talk to loads of different people, so then they don’t notice I’m not drinking loads.’ She’s even developed tricks to get the bar staff to help her, jammy bugger. ‘We sometimes used to brief the bar staff, so if we were hosting an event we’d ask them if we ordered a gin and tonic to just give us tonic water.’ Damn bloody clever.
The problem for those of us who do have a penchant to overindulge, is that Christmas makes that socially acceptable. It’s ok not to be controlled and sensible. In fact, it’s encouraged. ‘It all feels so nice and Christmassy and you just want to get out there. You don’t want to be too measured in everything’ says Sarah. You ultimately think, “does it really matter if I have one or two more glasses of wine?” ‘I think’, says Sam ‘if you’re not a really unpleasant or aggressive drunk, and you’re not offending anyone, and you’re not having to get anyone to take you home, then you know, what harm are you really doing?’
Sam explains this desire to want to engage with the people around us and let our guard down. ‘As humans we are relational and often seek to connect with others in an accepting and validating way, so alcohol can give an illusion of autonomy; a feeling of feeling whole and an illusion of power and control which individuals yearn for’ she says, before warning: ‘as it is socially tolerated and culturally accepted some individuals may never see the harm their drinking behaviour may cause; and that is the danger until it’s too late.’
So aside from drinking lots of water and buddying up with the bar staff, how does one avoid being the red-wine lipped plonker who drinks all the drinks and has all the regrets the next day? ‘High protein foods are great for absorbing alcohol’ suggests Sam. ‘Food helps to reduce the cravings and helps the alcohol to get into your system more slowly, along with drinking lots of water in between drinks. And avoid being pulled into drinking games.’
So let’s get this straight, the checklist is: eat protein, drink water, learn to say no and don’t play Ring of Fire?
It sounds so wonderfully simple when you put it like that…
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.