Since hearing that Spice Girls Emma Bunton, Geri Horner (not Halliwell) and Mel B would be uniting as a trio under the name GEM, I’ve been unashamedly excited to hear new music from three of the girls who provided the soundtrack to my childhood. No pressure.
We already spoke about how the new song they’d been working on Song For Her is apparently all about how the girls feel they’ve lost their ‘Spice’ identities since becoming mothers, so I imagined it would be a 'return of Take That'-style totally grown up, fun but at the same time super deep and meaningful version of Mama. Suitably emosh, hundred percent relatable with lyrics far too real to listen to after a glass of wine.
Well, Song For Her has been leaked. It’s out there, I’ve had a listen and what I’m about to say might be a little controversial…
It did not, I repeat, did not spice up my life. In fact I feel a little less spicy.
And I am sorry. I’m truly sorry because I did want to love it. I wanted to thrust my peace fingers in the air in a euphoric ‘SPICE GIRLS ARE BACK LONG LIVE GIRL POWER ZIG A ZIG WHAT NOW BITCHES’ style celebration of the song we’d all been waiting for. But I can’t. I just can’t.
I mean, it’s fine. It’s a pop song. It has a beat and various uh uh oooh’s. I did not make my ears bleed and I wouldn't be invariably upset if I was asked to listen to it again. But really Girls, what happened? I’ll be honest with you GEM, I expected more depth from a song was meant to describe the way it feels to be suddenly distanced from the glory days of being a Spice Girl; an experience that, on a global platform, shaped who you were and what you represented in those defining years of womanhood. About how being a mother might have changed the way you now define Girl Power and what you hope for the future. You know, something silly and low-key like that.
Maybe it’s just me, maybe I’ve read too much into the musical potential of three members of what was once the most influential girl groups like, ever. (Don't pretend you haven't watched *Spice World The Movie *a million times, can recite all the lyrics and have toyed with how best to pull off a union jack dress IRL). But this, this, is not what I expected.
Let's have a little look at the lyrics, shall we?
*'Can’t stop laughing. It’s four in the morning. *
Can’t help smiling, can’t help yawning.
Ladder in my tights, but I think I’ll be climbing forever.'
Let’s hit pause for a minute.
Laughing, smiling and yawning at 4am? Sounds familiar doesn’t it? Sounds a lot like last Saturday night out on the town with your pals. How relatable. And yes, morning and yawning do indeed rhyme.
Laddered tights? It happens to the sturdiest of deniers. But I’m not sure it’s the metaphor I would have chosen to illustrate a Miley Cyrus style emotional ‘climb’. Mountains = climbable. Laddered tights = frustratingly un-climbable. Sorry.
Let’s continue…
'My head’s in a daze, the caffeine is fixing*
Chasing the clock, but I can’t stop it ticking
Nobody knows but I’m barely just keeping it together.
I’m spinning, I’m dropping, I’m rushing, I’m dressing, my nights they all roll into days.'
Here it is, the struggle I'd anticipated hearing about. Wanting to meddle with time but not being able to, trying to keep it together when secretly you're really stuggling with reality. It really can't be easy, and it's the type of honesty that we always commend hearing about from celebrities because let's face it, it's not all that often spoken about.
That said... spinning? Sure, life is confusing. Dropping? Well you're bound to drop stuff when you're walking around all dizzy like that. Rushing? Oh, that chasing the clock line you just sang, gotcha. Dressing? It definitely sounds like you said dressing there girls. You've lost me.
But here comes the uplifting chorus...
*'This is a song for her, *
*You know you light it up, *
‘Cause you know who you are,
*Stand up, stand up *
She’s got that boom boom pop,
*That something they can’t stop, *
*She’s got that uh, uh, uh oooooh, *
Song for her'
Motivating, ain't it? Genericly so. For the easily roused, it may even make you feel like you can climb that sodding ladder in your opaque tights. And dammit she *does *have that boom boom pop which they fucking dare stop.
Side note: In all my years of owning ears and listening to music, never have I ever understood what any or all of the uh's ooh's mm's or ah's have meant. Ever. Despite holding the inkling that the dictionary ran out of words that rhymed and a good ooooh don't need no rhyme. Also boom boom pop aint got nothin' on zig-a-zig-ah. Nothin'.
*'Life is a river, wherever it’s flowing *
Jump on a bus, who knows where it’s going
Stayed out all night, get us some carefree together* '
Couple of questions. So, if life is a river (and by their definition, any river, regardless of which way it flows because, life), what is the bus? What role does it play? What does the bus represent, guys? And where do you get carefree from? Is it on the bus? Is that why you jumped on? Before reading the front to find out where it's heading? Did you even buy a ticket? Are there a penulty of £20 or twice the minimum fare, whichever is greater, on this bus to somewhere we don't know?
*Okay so I'm not entirely sure that this is the exact line - these lyrics were typed out by ear, so please forgive any slight inaccuracies - but it's defs what it sounded like. Honest.
'Where is that girl, is she long gone or missing,
*Can’t bring her back, we’re just reminiscing, *
There in the mirror, she’s shouting up in here forever
I’m burning, I’m slipping, I’m pushing I’m yelling, but I’ve still got something to say'
I totally get it now. The girl, the one who they're not sure is missing or gone because she could be fucking anywhere, that one, is the image of their old Spice Girl selves. It's a bit sad isn't it, especially if you'd been not-so-secretly hoping that a Spice Girls reunion *would *bring back the nostalgia we hold on to ever so tightly.
But it's okay. If you look in the mirror and forgive the awkward use of the term 'up in here', you'll find her shouting. Forever. Hit me with the chorus.
*'This is a song for her, *(totally know who she is now)
*You know you light it up *
‘Cause you know who you are
*Stand up, stand up *
She’s got that boom boom pop
*That something they can’t stop. *
She’s got that uh, uh, uh oooooh, uh, uh, uh oh oh
She’s got that uh, uh, uh oooooh, song for her
Wipe all the tears of doubt you’ve been crying
Lift up your dreams, feel like you’re flying
Never forget the girl is the woman you are'
Tears wiped and dreams lifted. We made it. We made it to the (almost) end of the song and we're okay. It's all okay. And it's totally fine, GEM. Don't worry, we totally caught on to who the girl was in the last chorus and realised that she is all of you. She is all of us. We are that girl. The shouty one in the mirror. She is all of us. But thanks, though. Good looking out.
One more time for the chorus?
'(This is a song for her, this is a song for her)
*This is a song for her, *
*You know you light it up *
‘Cause you know who you are
*Stand up, stand up *
She’s got that boom, boom pop
*That something they can’t stop. *
She’s got that uh, uh, uh oooooh, uh, uh, uh ooh
She’s got that uh, uh, uh oooooh, song for her'
**Like this? You might also be interested in: **
Why Mel B Is The Most Important Black British Woman In Popular Culture
We’re Going To Be Waiting A Little While Longer For That Spice Girls Reunion
Follow Jazmin on Twitter @JazKopotsha
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.