While the modern world helps people grow apart from one another – we’re always on our phones/computers/tablets/whatever, we’re allowed to cultivate wildly different interests to those of our peers – there are things in place to bring us together. Like Tinder, Happn, Twoo or simply the old Facebook poke button.
But Tom Parker, a 26-year-old Norwich-based writer and cocktail maker (or, poet-mixologist, if you prefer) believes a ‘popular theory’, that you need to go on 13 dates to fall in love with someone, and that these 13 dates need to cost a lot of money.
‘I spend my time writing and making cocktails in a local bar. This, however, means that I sadly don’t have the funds for 13 dates, especially if I want to impress the ladies.’
That’s why he’s looking to crowdfund his dates. On his Indiegogo profile, where he is looking to get £1,300 altogether, or £100 per date, he explains, or at least tries to explain via a video:
If you can’t watch right now, read what he has to say on his Indiegogo profile: ‘My name is Tom and I’m a 26-year-old hopeless sarcastic romantic.’
‘I like reading as much as going out with friends, I find thunderstorms relaxing to listen to and can easily lose myself in a good film. I like sitting in busy cafes writing poetry and people watching. The problem is I don’t have a lady/partner in crime/personal femme fatale to share all this with me, teach me new things and put me in my place every now and again.’
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He says he’s tried dating, ‘right swipes’ and even walking around London with mistletoe on his head around Christmas time to try and get some loving, but none of the techniques has worked. His solution: ‘I would like to take this opportunity to ask for your help in my quest for love. In return, you will have my eternal gratitude as well as something special and unusual, ranging from a personalised poem and a date, to a day out with me in Paris, depending on your choice.’
Tom has so far raised £8, for his quest, but if you donate £1 you’ll get a personal ‘thank you’ email from him. £5 gets you updates from Tom’s personal diary. £10 will get you a signed photo of Tom’s face. If you donate £25, he will mention you on one of his dates and send a photo of him and the date to you.
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£100 gets you, yes you, a date with Tom. Travel to London isn’t included, though. £500 will get you a date and a poem from Tom, which indicates his poetry is worth £400 a pop. £1000 will then get you a day to Paris with him, and he’ll pay for your travel to London to get the Eurostar first.
While many could have a go at Tom for his beard and tattoos, and his silly waistcoat, making it seem like looking like a ‘hipster’ – whatever that is – could be his biggest fault, we’d like to point out that the real reason he’s a prick is that he thinks that true love can be bought or that women will be more wooed by money than, say, reciting poetry on a park bench. Plus, it’s worth asking, firstly, what if he falls in love on the second date? And, also, if this guy can command £400 per poem, why doesn’t he just write a few to raise the date-funds?
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Follow Sophie on Twitter @sophwilkinson
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.