Disclaimer: Listening to this album was the best afternoon ever, honestly, except for where it got a bit boring towards the end. If any Directioners out there want to welcome me into their 1D coven, I know I’m a bit old, but if you’ll have me then take me, I’m yours.
Here's what you're going to get if when you download this album.
Steal My Girl
Opening sounds a bit like Meatloaf's I Would Do Anything For Love which is always an excellent sign. Fave line? ‘Her mum calls me “love”, her dad calls me “son”.’ Because nothing says romance like your girlfriend’s father trying to adopt you. Just a side note lads; you’re all from The North, where everyone’s called ‘son’. Don’t get too excited.
Ready To Run
In which the lads take to the acoustic guitar and land somewhere in between Mumford and Sons and Andy Jordan from Made In Chelsea. This one talks a lot about running away because they ‘want to be free’ and they ‘want to be young’ which is a train we’d totally like to hop on board. Except of course, we’re already too old.
Where Do Broken Hearts Go?
In which Harry, Zayn or one of the others promises to build a girl ‘a house from a broken home’, which seems counterproductive. Nevertheless there’s a bunch of people doing a rousing clapping thing over the chorus, which always gets us. Think R Kelly* World’s Greatest *after the key change. Yeah, we’re on that sort of level.
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18
It’s the one Ed Sheeran wrote! It’s a ballad! It’s about loving a girl since they were 18! That’s a full two years for Harry, half the time he’s been in One Direction which in the grand scheme of things is quite a long time. It’s also got a line that’s a bit naughty; ‘Let’s split the night wide open and we’ll see everything. We can live in love in slow motion....’ Alright, it’s hardly Next’s Too Close but it's definitely piqued our womanly interests.
Girl Almighty
It’s all pan pipes and weird lyrics in this one. ‘Her light is as loud as many ambulances?’ Dunno about that one lads.
Fools Gold
Less Stone Roses and more half-arsed power ballad, it’s a bit wishy washy, a bit introspective and a bit down in the dumps. Meh.
Night Changes
In which the lads bemoan getting older again silent inward rage and go a bit You Look Wonderful Tonight in the least Clapton-esque way possible*.* Also, check out this lyric, ‘Changes into something red, her mother doesn’t like that kind of dress, reminds her of a missing piece of innocence she’s lost’. How profound is that? Nice one.
No Control
Another naughty one dressed up like butter wouldn't melt. ‘Waking up beside you I’m a loaded gun, I can’t contain this anymore, I’m all yours, I’ve got no control.’ Bloody hell lads, we haven’t even brushed our teeth yet. But, if you insist….
Fireproof
Prize winner for oddest lyric of the whole album; ‘I’m feeling something deep inside, hotter than a jet stream burning up’. Heartburn? That pint of sriracha sauce you inhaled at lunchtime? Cystitis? Either way, it doesn’t sound good. Might wanna get that looked at.
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Spaces
As we near the end of the album, it’s a break up song. To ready us for the end. Which is coming soon.
Stockholm Syndrome
In which 1D put on their white coats and investigate the psychological condition popularised by famous kidnappee Patty Hearst. No mention of the lads being coerced into robbing a bank a la Hearst but there’s still time.
Clouds
A fitting song for the end; it’s all about getting to the end of a night and starting all over again. We can take a thinly veiled hint if we have to. Back to song number one it is.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.