The Work Experience Fails It Pays (Not Really) To Avoid At All Costs

So you're new to the working world, and you're not even getting paid. So here's a handy etiquette guide to getting the most out of your work experience…

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by Lucy Hancock |
Published on

On your first day of work you may have strutted by the window of Starbucks latte in hand, and seen the reflection of a powerful businesswoman in the making. By lunchtime the very same day, you'll walk past the same reflection of a woman in a window but she appears quite confused. She is confused because she's only been at work for three hours and now she is buying Immodium for Jackie in HR.

Sound familiar? Well here's how you can avoid ballsing up your first proper placement.

Being too efficient

Initially your new environment is very befuddling. But isn't this supposed to be experience of work? Why are you arranging notepads into height order and sorting tuppeware lids. 'But… my… arts degree?' you think to yourself. 'Surely I've got more to offer than that.' As it happens, you don't. Not yet. The moment you enter the workplace, you're at the bottom, immediately clocking up the most pointless of points: this is a test of your boredom threshold. In this new world, you are essentially a toddler being babysat. The menial tasks you are given are not really helpful. They are like Crayola drawings designed to distract you from crying and annoying everyone and crapping your pants. When you ask 'is there anything I can help with?' it does sound totally helpful, but actually sucks for a everyone because either a) No you can't help them with stalking their ex on Facebook, or b) They do not trust you to use their pens yet.

Making shit tea

If there is one thing you can absolutely be guaranteed not to get shouted at for doing, it's making tea. For the love of god do not be the 'I don't drink hot drinks' work experience person. Saying this is like announcing to the office there is a family of rats asleep in your knickers. Coffee is a slightly different story. Google 'how to cafetiere' and figure that shit out. Don't do as my friend Katie did and cheerfully hand your boss a cup of watered-down coffee granules with milk and sugar. Even if you're not a coffee pro there is no excuse for being a poor tea maker. I met a guy recently who told me a new employee of his once brewed the office teas directly from the hot tap, because 'it was quicker.' I'd be surprised if he ever entered an office again.

READ MORE: Tea Is Critical. Food Is Your Enemy. And Other Things You Find Out In Your First Year Of Work

Attitude

Your devil-may-care attitude and charming tardiness may have impressed your uni pals up until now, but it will not fly on your work experience. Having spent almost three years at uni in your pyjamas, you are suddenly required to be the keenest bean in the can. This might make you feel like a full-on simpleton but it has to be done. Grin constantly, even when no-one is watching you. Go home and practise staring at a screen-saver while looking both hard at work and cheerful. Be grateful for the small mercies, like the fact that an afternoon spent forgotten in a stationery cupboard is mildly less excruciating than strolling round an office giving everyone the wrong post because the floor plan is wrong.

Boredom

It's incredible just how slowly eight hours can go by when you spend it inputting dietary requirements into a database. Yeah, you've got some terrifying money worries and no idea how you'll ever pay your 'rents back, but don't get caught doing your life admin on the job. No matter how bored out of your mind you are, try not to let it send you weird. Don't, as a girl I once worked with did, light a match under her desk, 'because she wanted to see what it smelled like'.

Who you are

Unless you're fitting propellers on to fighter jets, it is important that you forget all twenty grand of your degree, it is irrelevant. Instead, focus on talking about the things people really care about in offices, like microwave settings and how toasty the crammed morning commute is. Similarly, literally nobody in the office could give a flying fuck about what you get up to in your free time. Do not, unless expressly asked, elaborate on any of the above or use bleary-eyed kitchen time as an opportunity to declare passion for [insert industry]. No one will believe you. Your colleagues will really struggle to remember your name unless it's fun to say. The best you can hope for is being the 'girl who brought that really big cake in,' so you should definitely bring cake in.

READ MORE: Five Things You Should Do In The Office At 6pm Tonight. And Every Friday

Dress code

This entirely depends on the job you seek, but if you're headed for a run-of-the-mill office, it goes without saying it is not advisable to turn up in a hard hat. You may have been tempted to bust your wallet in a power dressing frenzy, but will immediately regret the briefcase on arrival. If you're after a job in fashion, wear only black. It is not advisable to display your 'passion for fashion' through your work wear. There is no more forlorn sight than a girl stacking tupperware in stilettos. In general, avoid dresses with loose buttons all the way down the back (learned this the hard way), cream blouses and loose bronzing powder (learned this the hard way) and sparking furious debate with a real fur jacket (learned this the hard way).

All the questions

The people who are the most secure and cool in their jobs will probably be the nicest to you, which is really bloody confusing because they are often the most senior. Job titles mean nothing to you yet, so you find yourself praying everyone in the room was wearing some sort of military regalia so you could work out how much of their arse you're going to need to kiss. Do not, like I did, just latch on to the friendliest person in the vicinity. Repeatedly asking the editor of a national women's magazine why the photocopier won't work will not good references get you.

For more great work tips, check out GoThinkBig.co.uk for straight-talking careers advice

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Follow Lucy on Twitter @lucyannhancock

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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