We’ve all been there. You’ve slaved over a hot stove all day Saturday on the Jamaican chicken stew Gizzi Erskine assured you was one of her favourites and you even pushed the £6 boundary when it came to the wine you bought to get everyone started. But the trouble is, when your dinner party guests arrive, you find your culinary efforts sadly compromised by your grubby kitchen floor, mismatched plates, mugs for wine glasses and a table that looks like it’s seen better days. Foiled by the horrors of being poor and lazy again.
Here’s a super-cheap few things to buy to trick your guests into thinking that your dinner party is a lot posher than it really is…
This Candle Holder
You’re not grown up enough for a real life Beauty and the Beast candlestick situation (the sad patch of melted plastic on your dining room table after too much red wine last time serves as proof of that) but that’s not to say you can’t still have candles – provided they’re properly protected from your inebriated gestures. These cute holders for tea lights (read: candles that will burn out when you inevitably forget to blow them out before bedtime) mean you’ll struggle to cause any flame damage and the lattice work will create pretty pictures on the wall.
This Water Bottle
Instead of featching people lukewarm water from the tap as and when they ask for it, pre-chill water in this bottle and set in the middle of the table for your guests to help themselves. It’s a dead classy touch that’ll transport your dinner party from Streatham bedsit to French Riviera. Even better, it’ll finally convince people to appreciate you for the fancy lady that you really are.
These Placemats
You might not have matching plates but matching placemats? That you can do. Plus, it’ll cover up the time you guys tried to tie dye some T-shirts and ended up dying a large pink splodge into the left side of the table. These are also currently on sale, down from £28.
This condiment holder
Heinz ketchup on the table? Oh no no no. You’re way past that. Pour your most uncouth condiment into this guy and it basically makes it acceptable to lump mayonnaise onto your Ottelenghi salad. We knew a world this good could exist somewhere.
This Electric Pepper Mill
You’ve probably graduated from Sainbury’s basic pepper in a little plastic pot to a Sainbury’s basic peppercorn grinder – but throw caution to the wind and blow everybody out of the water with this electric pepper mill. Affect a French accent and ask your guests if they’d like some black pepper after you’ve served. Plus, black pepper will cover up all manner of culinary sins when it comes to your cooking.
Follow Jess on Twitter @jess_commons
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.