Permanently afflicted by the camel toe and want, er, not to be? That's every single past and present sufferer, then. It's not one of those afflictions that's divisive, like, say, the side boob - which some consider sassy and others may see as odious (hey mum!) Or, the VPL - which some people like because at least it shows they are wearing knickers (hygeine is important, kids.) Nay, the camel toe is an obvious outline of the vagina and is therefore as much of an eyesore as the outline of a penis and bell-end. To be without a visible vaginal outline is, let's be honest, always preferable.
There are several things to blame for this genitalic faux-pas. Tight jeans, leggings, cycling shorts (where the spandex moulds itself to your mons rather too enthusiastically) and jumpsuits, which assume that everyone is of the same groin length - when actually, your torso/pudendum might be a hell of a lot longer than mine. Or vice versa. So what the hell are you to DO when this strikes?
Step up the Cuchini Camel Toe Guard. Looks like a sanitary towel, sounds like a soft fruit or an Italian car brand, works like a charm. Hailing from the US - obviously - and Florida, to be specific (it's packaging's got that pink and turquoise colour scheme that is mandatory for everything produced in Palm Beach) it retails at $19.95 for two, but before you scoff, they are re-usable (ummmmm.)
Inititally invented for swimsuit competitions - which we participate in weekly, of course - to spare the contestants from a red face as well as a hungry gusset, South Floridian inventors Christy Sugrue and Kelly Heyniger said 'We are sick and tired of men pointing out our visible camel-toe. We decided something must be done. As women, we are proud of female anatomy, but the choice to wax or shave shouldn't affect out decision to wear a bathing suit or tight clothes.' Cuchini also sell fashion tape (for bra-less moments) sticky-backed Invisinips (catchy name, already have a pair myself) and a dubious sounding FaceLift Band.
The Camel Toe Guard is actually not that new (it was seen on Keeping Up With The Kardashians back in January) but it's only just hit the mainstream, where it has proved to be as divisive. Jezebel have taken umbrage over the fact that the Cuchini allows for the 'smooth, anatomical incorrectdness of Barbie's mons pubis', lambasting the Cuchini for 'vagina-shaming.'
But as an out and not-so-proud camel-toe sufferers, we think it has merit. Sure, the Cuchini won't be for everyone. It's not particularly cheap and the thought of wearing one in a swimsuit sounds about as pleasurable as wearing a sanity pad in the pool. But in tight jeans or a jumpsuit? Hells yeah! A front wedgie painful, as much as much as it unsightly. And if the Cuchini rids us of one in an emergency, then more power to Palm Beach. Tweet us your camel toe stories and let's all invest in a Cuchini together.
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Picture: Rex
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.