About this time of year the serious rubbernecking starts. The first rays of real sunshine cause girls to lose an extra inch of fabric and with this, men fall apart at the seams. The first truly hot days of the year are what one of my mates eloquently calls 'Booby Tuesday.'
The male brain - addled by a 'sex sells' philosophy on every square foot of advertising space - are tuned to hone in on any extra millimetres of tanned flesh. Every time I almost smack into a lamp post reaffirms how easy I am to impress. That's why I reluctantly agree with everything fashion forward actress Diane Kruger - star of cult TV series The Bridge - says about men being far easier to please than other women, when it comes to the female wardrobe. She says, 'Women dress for other women. It’s easy to please a man, the shorter the skirt and the sexier the dress, they will most likely approve of your outfit.'
Initially, as a re-calibrated modern man, I huff at these assertions. I'd like to think I can appreciate a woman for more than her bare parts. That somehow I can understand the finer qualities of designers, hemlines and hair care. That I can skip between what shows off a girls' cheekbones or eye colour or what shoes she likes. True, I can do a passable impression of Gok Wan when my girlfriend confronts me with a wardrobe choice, but really I'm on the same 'the less, the better' hymn sheet most men are on. The reality - as fearful as I am to admit it - is the moment I see some tanned skin, a shock of bouncy hair or a knockout smile my head is spinning on a pole. It's like a romance radar, only it's specifications are 'flesh, fun and flirty.'
The hex on all men this summer is the hot pants, sunglasses combo. The legs grab the attention and the sunnies - oversize naturally - hide so much of any woman's face that in our imagination we assume that she is really the spit of Sofia Vergara. It's as though - educated by the same glossy tabloids and websites you are - we somehow expect to see a celebrity (or at least their look-a-like) underneath. I've lost count the amount of times I've spun around for this duo only to realise I am staring at someone who could pass for my high school geography teacher.
Extensive research by the Kinsey Institute has shown men are visually aroused whilst women are more emotionally so. I can't really help what I am attracted to, though obviously I can help how I behave. Tanned skin and sunglasses feel exotic and playful, a million miles away from the stuffy offices we have to reside in. Men aren't hard to work out - there's no silver bullet in the form of the right dress or shoes. Typically - as Kruger says - it's a box-ticking exercise. Simply pick one of three key assets - legs, bum, breasts - to accentuate and leave the house. Every husband, boyfriend or single man will have preferences on how he likes his women to dress, but ultimately they come down to somewhere within those three key factors. Either that, or he simply doesn't care at all.
Take cleavage - it's not about size at all. The mistake many women make is they assume the bigger the better, that every extra button undone equals more impact. In fact, it's more about shape than size. I know female friends with smaller busts who - with fitted blouses or lower necks - always look amazing. The psychology of the male mind is that perkiness is as good as oomph.
It's hard to analyse what I like on the high street, but I can analyse what I click on (family friendly stuff, honest.) Rooting through my internet history I have inexplicably been reading (i.e. clicked on because I fancied the woman on the page) in the past week - Rita Ora in a skinny dress slashed to the naval and Rihanna in a nearly nude ensemble. Very predictable. However, I also read stories with Susannah Reid in a fitted but serene shift dress; Daisy Lowe in a 1950's ball gown and, weirdly, Alexandra Burke in a short black dress with ankle boots. What I really like is big hair, a flash of white teeth and a bit - not too much - leg length.
Crucially what gets a man's attention and what he finds sexy are two different things. I don't go to bed dreaming about girls in tiny shorts; I think about girls in lingerie or sophisticated, fitting clothes. I like it when my girlfriend wears a summer maxi dress, lots of tanned skin, but fitted and showing off her shape. In practice - whilst it initially gets my attention - I'm not that drawn to near nudity. Also, it's not the sexy clothes that really excite me - it's the girl's confidence when she wears them, that I really admire. I know women may wear a sexy outfit for their man, but equally they wear that same look for the office when they have a big business meeting, or a job interview. It empowers them - it's like a suit of armour they can throw on to be bullet proof. High heels and lingerie - or an extra flash of flesh - are not really about turning men on. They are about turning on a girl's self esteem. And that's the sexiest thing of all.
Follow Andy on Twitter @andyjoneswrites
Picture: Sophie Davidson
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.