*This Is Liverpool, *the online TV show that's basically Geordie Shore but for Scousers, is getting slammed for giving the city a bad name.
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One thing it does prove, though, is that Liverpudlian girls are allergic to the word 'effortless' when it comes to dressing. If that was ever in doubt. Speaking as a native Liverpool girl, here's why:
1. We would be shunned
Much like the Amish, there are certain rules in Liverpool that you just don’t break. So unless you want to be disowned by your friends and family and sent to live in Manchester, you simply must go glam or go home. And NEVER wear jeans on a night out.
2. Where’s the fun in au natural?
Make-up is art. You should experiment with every colour and savour every beautiful moment of it. One day you’ll have wrinkly eyelids and, no matter what you do, it’s going to look like you’ve applied your eyeshadow with a piece of broccoli. So get all artistic while the going is good. (Not Picasso, though, never Picasso)
3. It’s slim pickings out there
I looked into some depressing statistics last night. There are more females aged 16-34 in Liverpool than there are males. Then we factor into this that men in Liverpool seem to be vertically challenged compared to the rest of the country, but Liverpool ladies love a good six-inch heel, and it’s starting to look a bit grim on the old dating scene. You’ve got to bring your A game. Every. Damn. Day.
4. Life is a catwalk
Forget what your mum told you all those years ago, ‘It’s school, not a fashion show!’ It IS a fashion show, and every other girl in Liverpool is Anna Wintour critiquing you. Harsh but true.
5. We’re carrying on a legacy
I turned up to my nan's funeral looking more glam than I had every looked before. Why? Because even to the last breath, you never saw my nan without a champagne blonde perm and set, and a slick of lipstick, and I’ll be damned if I was letting her down. Scouse nans lead the way in looking fab and they represent the '50s style they grew up with. You've got to respect that.
6. Pete Doherty
Kate Moss is the queen of effortless style, and look at the state of what she had. No tar.
7. Helping the economy
Starship once famously wrote a song about Liverpool, ‘We built this city, we built this city on curly blows!’ The economy of Liverpool is 90 per cent based on the beauty industry. Imagine if we all suddenly stopped buying fake tan and lashes? The infrastructure would collapse within days. The global credit crunch started because some people in America couldn’t pay their mortgage, so could you imagine the butterfly effect Liverpool disintegrating would cause? We’re just saving the world one lipstick at a time. No need to thank us, though. It’s our pleasure.
8. Because we’re worth it
Before you can expect anyone else to love you, you must first love thyself. We love ourselves enough to know that we only deserve the very best pampering and treatment the world has to offer.
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Picture: Getty
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.