Things You Only Know If You’re An Older Sister

Apart from the knowledge that you'll be the one putting plastic sheeting on the sofa when your parents finally become incontinent

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by Rebecca Holman |
Published on

New research has revealed that first-born females are more likely to do better than their younger siblings. Feifei Bu (amazing name) at the Institute for Social and Economic Research at the University of Essex found that first-born girls are statistically more likely to be more ambitious, and better qualified, than their siblings.

The study found that the girls tend to have higher aspirations, which is expected to push them towards higher education levels and that they are 4 per cent more likely to achieve further education qualifications. It also showed that first-born girls are 13 per cent more ambitious than first-born boys. Lest you were in any doubt, Beyonce, Hilary Clinton and Oprah Winfrey are all oldest girls.

Of course, if you’re an older sister, you already knew this, didn’t you? Because older sisters know everything. Here are a few more things you’ll only know if you’re one of those hallowed first borns…

**You can still remember what life is like as an only child **

You might have only been three at the time, but the minute your mother presented you with a wriggling, screaming, puce monster and claimed they were your sister was a watershed point in your life. Before that you were the special one - a creature of wonder who bewitched every grown up she met. And then all of a sudden, you were a stroppy toddler with separation anxiety. Twenty years later, life has still never matched up to that brief golden era as an only child.

**You will always (smugly) know that you were such a good baby that your parents decided to have another kid. **

Unlike your little sister ‘whose head was so big, the midwives had never seen anything like it,’ putting your mother off further procreation for life.

**Your teenage years were slightly haunted by the fact that if you got arrested/ended up in A&E/ got your head stuck in some steel railings the only person your friends could call were your parents… **

Whereas your younger sisters will always have you as a back up in-case-of-emergency person to call when she gets caught by the police skinny-dipping in the canal at 3AM after seven Jagerbombs. And the unwritten rule? You will never tell your parents, unless it’s 5pm on Boxing Day and you’ve just had a really bad fight. Talking of Boxing Day…

**Even when you’ve reached 25, you still count your Christmas presents to see if they have more than you. **

Which they do, because they’re the youngest.** **

You’re the only person who remembers your parents and grandparent’s birthdays and keeps a rough inventory of their likes and dislikes

A fact that becomes apparent at the same time every year when your younger siblings text you on the day before your mum’s birthday and ask if they can sign your card.

**Every time your sister charms your elderly relatives by pulling out her post-dinner stand up routine, complete with silly accents, you have to resist the urge to stand up and scream ‘why are you laughing at her? I’m the one who’s got a JOB!’ **

But you don’t, because you’re the oldest. Instead you clear up the dishes and seethe.

**That there’s nothing like the boiling rage you feel when your parents announce they’re going to pay off your sister’s student loan early ‘because she’s not like you - she really needs a bit of extra help.’ **

Especially when you create a spreadsheet to work out how much money they’ve given you both over the years and discover that, even allowing for inflation, they’ve spent 20 per cent more on her than they have on you.

**You are the only one who knows how your parent’s dishwasher works, how to switch the emersion heater on, and where the airbed is stored in the attic… **

Even though you haven’t lived at home for six years and your sister is still there. She’s not even 100 per cent sure how the kettle works. When you share this fact on Facebook, your sister will burst into tears and accuse you of being ‘mean.’ You feel so guilty you make her a cup of tea and switch the emersion on so she can have a nice hot bath.

**Whether you’re 18 or 40, being the only single one when you’re the oldest is 30 per cent worse **

So much so, that during your little sister's one brief foray into having a boyfriend, you had a panic attack in the middle of Westfield at the thought of being her spinster bridesmaid. And finally...

**...only older sisters get called Spinsters. Don't believe us? Check out House of Elliot... **

Follow Rebecca on Twitter @rebecca_hol

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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