We're halfway through the third series of Girls (the show) and girls (the humans) are apparently delighted. As evidenced by the barrage of 'Omg Lena is a queen!' 'Shoshanna for president!' tweets.
Basically, Girls has been successful for a number of reasons (witty dialogue/good outfits/Lena Dunham). But mostly it’s been championed for reflecting 'real' sex, aka sex that this generation of 20-something girls are actually having off-screen. If that’s true, then that’s great. But also kind of depressing because basically no-one uses a condom on a show.
Still, this might actually be the most realistic aspect of Girls, because condom use is in decline amongst young women in the UK. Back in 2009 the Health Protection Report found that the total number of STIs in the UK had risen 0.5% on the previous year to 399,738. The last stats on the issue from the same people was in 2012 which showed that STI rates in England had continued to rise, suggesting that people might not be making sure they had-it-on-before-they-had-it-off or whatever the posters in my school nurse’s room used to say.
I decided to spend an afternoon doing some intrepid and hard-hitting journalism where I went through all the sex scenes in the first season of Girls to see if they used any condoms. Here’s what I found:
EPISODE 1: PILOT
Ah, first episode in and Adam and Hannah are straight into it. Well Adam’s straight into it (sorry). You know what I mean. He flies the flag for romantics the world over as he tells her to lie on her stomach and grab her legs as he goes to get lube. (Does that mean they’re doing anal? I dunno). Anyway, Hannah asks if he is going to get a condom. He replies with, ‘I’ll consider it’ which is a bit rapey but not really because he comes back with one and puts it on.
CONCLUSION: CONDOM IS USED.
EPISODE 2: VAGINA PANIC
#1
The opening scene of Episode 2 takes us to old faithful, the missionary position. Adam tries to talk dirty to Hannah. He climaxes and asks her where he should come, (which is good manners). He then takes off the condom in order to do so. Seems like a lot of unnecessary effort to me, tbh, but we’re not here to judge.
CONCLUSION: CONDOM IS USED.
#2
[ASSETHERE=image]
Hannah states she has little sympathy for people who don’t use condoms - which is a bit mean because, though I’m kind of with you, I also understand that sometimes Tesco Extra is closed and trying to find a condom in the dark when you’re shit-faced on whiskey sours is a very real struggle. Anyway, back to this.
Adam replies with, 'I don’t know what it is about me, but girls don’t ask me to use condoms.' When Hannah replies that they always use condoms, Adam says, 'Yeah I guess that’s why it takes me 25 years to come every time I have sex with you.’ (Which btw is very rude, Adam).
CONCLUSION: REFERENCE IS MADE TO CONDOMS. CONDOMS ARE PROBABLY USED.
#3
[ASSETHERE=image]
Marnie and Charlie are having boring sex, which is no surprise because Marnie is the beigest one in this show. Anyway she requests they do it doggy style in order to not see his face. They continue. God she’s boring. Even writing about the sex she has is boring.
CONCLUSION: NO REFERENCE TO CONDOMS
EPISODE 3: ALL ADVENTUROUS WOMAN DO.
I don’t really know what’s happening here but basically Hannah comes round, dressed up, to Adam’s and it skips to what looks like a post sex-scene of Adam referring to Hannah’s fat. They discuss physical appearance and its importance to each other which is a feminist thinkpiece just waiting to happen.
Sidenote: in this episode Hannah tells ex-boyfriend she has an STD. Which is a reference to not using a condom previously - so you know, BE WARNED, BITCHES!
CONCLUSION: NO REFERENCE TO CONDOMS.
EPISODE 4: HANNAH’S DIARY
Shoshanna initiates sex with this guy. She then tells him she's a virgin, and he refuses to have sex with her. Which I kinda get, but mostly because she has a ‘Keep Calm And Carry On’ poster in her room, rather than the never-had-sex thing. But everyone’s different I guess.
CONCLUSION: NO REFERENCE TO CONDOMS
EPISODE 5: HARD BEING EASY
Marnie and Charlie are having sex. Marnie bumps her head, Charlie comes. And while Charlie is still inside her, she tells him she wants to break up. Nothing like a penis inside you to give you clarity about the state of your relationship, hey Marnie?
CONCLUSION: NO REFERENCE TO CONDOMS (but in fairness we do come into this after they’ve already started)
**EPISODE 6: THE RETURN
**
#1
Hannah goes home to her parents'. The local pharmacist asks her out. They sleep together and use a condom which is expected really, seeing as he can probably steal them for free and most likely spends his days giving out medicine to people with genital warts... which would make you really think twice about unprotected sex.
CONCLUSION: CONDOM IS USED.
#2
[ASSETHERE=image]
Hannah’s parents are having sex in the shower, just before he slips and gets concussed. There’s no reference to a condom being used because no-one in the history of time has used a condom in the shower.
CONCLUSION: NO REFERENCE TO CONDOMS.
EPISODE 7: WELCOME TO BUSHWICK (AKA THE CRACK ACCIDENT)
I just watched this whole episode and there are no sex scenes, which was a waste of half an hour. BUT there is this shot of some condoms on the floor, which counts, right?
CONCLUSION: CONDOMS PICTURED
EPISODE 8: WEIRDOS NEED GIRLFRIENDS TOO
Scene opens with image of used condoms and Adam and Hannah are in bed. I’ll leave it at that, you get the drill by now.
CONCLUSION: CONDOMS PICTURED
EPISODE 9 : LEAVE ME ALONE.
No sex scenes. Another half hour of my life gone.
EPISODE 10: SHE DID
Shoshanna and Ray initiate having sex. They talk about her being a virgin and you’re supposed to suspend your disbelief and think that they won’t actually get together because they’re a terrible pairing but of course, they do.
CONCLUSION: NO REFERENCE TO CONDOM.
**So in total:
10 sex scenes
One conversation about condoms.
One episode about STIs (in reference to lack of condom use)
CONDOMS VISIBILY USED: Three
Not great. Though tbh that’s a much better ratio than you’d get in _Game of Thrones. S_o at least NY isn’t as riddled with disease and knob-rot as Westeros probably is.
Follow Kieran on Twitter @kieran_yates
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.